


Quiet Reflection

by Tarlan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Ascension, Episode Related, Episode: s03e17 Sunday, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-09
Updated: 2008-07-09
Packaged: 2017-10-21 14:12:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/226081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe it's not forever</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quiet Reflection

**Author's Note:**

> Written for LJ's _mcbeckchallenge_ community challenge #1: At First Sight

They sent an empty coffin back through the Stargate to Earth because the heat of the explosion had reduced Carson to less than ashes. Looking back, Rodney wondered how he had managed to survive the journey to Scotland and the overwhelming generosity of Carson's mother and siblings. They'd taken him in like he was family, and two days had passed almost like part of a surreal dream where he couldn't truly believe that Carson wasn't there with him. He heard his voice and saw his face everywhere he looked, quietly reflected in the eyes of a brother or sister.

He couldn't recall the trip back on the _Daedalus_ , losing himself in the intricacies of Asgard-Human hybrid technology rather than face the fact that he was alone despite the crowded ship.

It took another week back on Atlantis before Rodney could overcome the numbness brought on by grief and shock to actually go over the security footage from that terrible day.

Seeing Carson's relieved face on the monitor, seeing his total belief that he had completed his self-appointed mission to save a life and was now safe as well, brought the grief crashing back down upon Rodney. On the first pass, his fingers had lingered over Carson's face, over his soft smile and forever stubbled cheek, desperately trying to recall the sense memory from nights held in each other's arms long after the love-making had sated their bodies. He had to freeze each frame, not truly wanting to track those last seconds of his lover's life and see it come to a blazing end.

The second flash within the explosion barely registered at first sight and it took Rodney several more viewings, painstakingly watching each frame one at a time before he was convinced.

"Carson?"

He whispered his lover's name, eyes darting about the room, falling upon beautiful lattice-work and stained glass, upon the bubbling sculpture reflecting the aquamarine, turquoise, orange and blue favored by the Ancients who had built Atlantis. Nothing stirred.

Slowly, he made his way from the room to the east pier, seeking solitude in their special place, where Carson had liked to fish from a ledge close to the water when he couldn't spend time on the mainland. Rodney had not come here since before that fateful Sunday and now, as he stared out across the ocean in quiet reflection, he could barely remember why he'd made his excuses not to go fishing with Carson that day. At the time, all his reasoning was caught up in his own selfishness. Perhaps if Carson had not taken his fishing so serious then Rodney would have gone along happily, but he'd not wanted to spend the whole day sitting on a riverbank casting a line when they could have been curled around each other and making love instead.

Carson found him there. Perhaps he'd been waiting there for him all this time.

"I'm really, really sorry. I should have--"

Carson stopped him and smiled, and Rodney wished with all his heart that the man standing beside him was solid so he could reach out and touch him, hold him in his arms again and pretend, if only for a little while, that Carson had not moved on without him.

 _I'll always be here for you, my love._

This time when he said goodbye, Rodney knew in his heart that it wouldn't be forever.

END


End file.
